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Smith's Death Ruled a Hoax
Dateline Hollywood, FL - February 9, 2007
Doctors performing the autopsy on deceased model/actress Anna Nicole Smith today ruled her death a "hoax", perpetrated as part of a guerilla marketing campaign. Smith was apparently not dead when brought in for autopsy, but was decidedly more dead upon leaving the operating room.
"Our official word is that Ms. Smith died of multiple lacerations to her torso," said Dr. Ooops Mybad, "These lacerations were very deep, and caused by our own medical staff. When we opened her up, we found various TrimSpa marketing materials attached to her internal organs. When we asked the company, they claimed that this was part of a bigger guerilla marketing campaign disguised as a hoaxed overdose death."
TrimSpa was unavailable for comment directly, but later released a statement.
"We are saddened by the loss of our greatest spokeswoman, in what was indeed a tragic misunderstanding. We hope that friends, family, and fans of Ms. Smith can persevere in the wake of this event, and that for millions of other Americans struggling with weightloss that TrimSpa can assist them with their battle. We will truly miss Anna, and hope that TrimSpa made her last few years in this world as wonderful as possible."
The two men reportedly responsible for creating the stunt, Thomas Douchebagalow and Dimitri Wackenov, both Design students at Florida's prestigious Wanker School for Art and Marketing, were released on bond today from Hollywood County Courthouse.
"We realize that death is a very serious matter," said the dreadlock-clad Wackenov, "But being as though we are pretentious trustafarians masquerading as artists prending we did something notable, we will only answer questions about pre-60s British pop music."
For WNN this is Cliched Andtasteless reporting.
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