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Zombie Yeltsin Takes Vengeance on Past Enemies

Dateline - Moscow, Russia April 26, 2007

Just days after being laid in state in the Russian capital, former president Boris Yeltsin's reanimated corpse rose and began reigning down terror upon stunned onlookers. Requesting only the "brains of communist traitors", Yeltsin then staggered down the streets of Moscow.

"I appears as though the body has been preserved in vodka," said Dr. Nikolai Vladvadenko of the Nation Institute for Undead Studies, "And he has come back to claim revenge on the criminal forces who undermined his reign as Russia's president. Right now -- YARG! *crunch crunch squish* my.....braaaaaaaaaaaain..."

President Putin has been moved to an, as yet, undisclosed location. But was able to release a statement affirming his "stern, unyielding dismay" at the developments. President Bush, however, was supportive of Yeltsin's campaign.

"For years, Mr. Yeltsin embraced an idea, 'if it feels good, do it'," the President said from Washington, "But now he has embraced a new idea, 'Let's Roll'. Now excuse me, I'm off to call Zombie Jesus to start a zombie crusade against evildoers."

For WNN this is Hooray Vodka reporting.

Last Updated: February 12, 2012
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