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Clinton, McCain Unleash New Attacks on Obama
Dateline - South Bend, IN, April 27, 2008
Fresh off of her victory in Pennsylvania, Hilary Clinton today kept the pressure sqaurely on her opponent Barack Obama, launching a wave of zombies toward North Carolina and Indiana in an attempt to increase her support in those battleground states.
"We've seen that in past contests, Hilary's main base of support is the elderly, and specifically elderly white women," said Clinton spokesman Howard Wolfson, "This just represents the next evolution of our campaign, because there's nothing more elderly than the undead."
Clad head to toe in Clinton '08 campaign attire, the zombies were last seen shambling through Chicago and Raleigh, NC, their numbers seemingly growing. When asked about this possibility, Wolfson only would comment that "maybe these people are just catching the Clinton Fever, which is sometimes characterized by an apparent lack of higher cognitive behavior and a lust for devouring brains."
John McCain was quick to respond to the summoning, himself conjuring forth numerous divisions of incorporeal warriors, who's wails of eternal torment could be heard heading toward key battleground states to begin door to door flyering campaigns.
"Many people may not know this," said McCain campaign chairman Robert Mosbacher, "But John McCain is a war hero, dedicated American citizen, and, most importantly, former POW during Vietnam. When we see Senator Clinton enslaving the lifeless bodies of potential voters in an attempt to artificially inflate her support, we can't sit idly by and allow this to happen. Senator McCain has called upon the spirits of his fellow POWs and Vietnam casualties to help him defeat such necromancy. We must unite as Republicans and combat the Clinton campaign's shameless attempt to steal our monopoly on soulless, fear-mongering minions."
The Obama campaign could not be reached for comment, having holed up inside ivory tower headquarters. There are unconfirmed reports that he has been in discussions to broker a deal with John Kerry and Robert Reich to harness the combined might of the Treant and Dwarf empires to combat the growing threat.
For WNN this is WTFisup Withthatoldlady reporting.
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Last Updated: August 5, 2010 Copyright 2010 - Infinity, Waldo News Network. All Rights Reserved.
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