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Two-thirds of Monogamous Women Feel Very Satisfied
with Sex Life
Dateline The Internets - May 9, 2006
A recent Elle/MSNBC.com survey shows that of 77,895
adults, over two-thirds of women polled were happy with
their sex life. 9 out of 10 of those surveyed were
also in monogamous relationships.
This stands in stark contrast to the men interviewed,
who only had 49% satisfied. In addition, almost twice as
many men (24% to 13%) were very dissatisfied with their sex
lives.
WNN hit the streets to try and confirm these results.
"Oh hell yes, I'm way happier now than I was single, tee hee,"
said Krystal Johnson, aged 23, and married to Thomas Johnson,
aged 47, "I mean really, when I was single, if a guy took me
out shopping and to a nice dinner, then I HAD to sleep with him.
Now, its not like Tommy can go anywhere. If he cheats on me I
get half his stuff. I'm in total control! tee hee. I haven't
given a blow job since our honeymoon. Its incredible!"
Thomas Johnson responded, "Well hey, if I had to put up with that
then I'd have to say I was 'very dissatisfied'. Luckily, I've
got two interns and a secretary who love gobbling dick and know
how to keep quiet. Haha!"
The happy couple then walked off into Nordstrom.
This study was not without its detractors, however.
"Well look at the numbers, 90% in 'monogamous relationships', but
only 56% 'married'. That means you've got 34% fags in your study," said
Rev. Jerry Falwell by phone, "And we all know fags only stay together
for sex, so of course they are satisfied, otherwise they'd be
in the other 10%. Heathen bastards."
In a more objective analysis, our own Dr. S. T. Rongbad, Statistics
Professor at Crazy Go Nuts University said the following:
"Ok look, 90% of them are 'monogamous' but 11% say they do not have
a current parter. That leaves 1% who are monogamous to what? Their
hand? I'd hope they were fulfilled if they are monogamous to their
hand. Furthermore, 53% of those have a college education. Since the
study was 50/50 male to female, that means that roughly 26% of those
surveyed probably think an orgasm is what happens when they wake up
from the roofie and slink back to the dorms, and another 23% [Half of
those who are not college educated] can replace 'dorm' with 'Trans-AM'
What kind of study is this?"
Indeed the only truth, in light of this tragically flawed study, is
that our editor here at WNN is certainly amongst those who is not at
all satisfied sexually.
For WNN this is Beati Nitfervently reporting.
RESEEEEEEERVED .
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Last Updated: February 12, 2012
Copyright 2012 - Infinity, Waldo News Network. All Rights Reserved.
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