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Portland Woman, 26, Finally Fulfills Life Goals
Dateline Portland - June 3, 2006
Julie Morgan, 26, of Portland, Oregon today
completed her quest to attain a balanced life
with emotional fulfillment and intellectual
happiness, finally aquiring a husband to match
her iPod.
"Its great! See, my iPod skin is green, now
I have a husband to dress in green, and to buy
me a green H3. I don't think I could be any
happier! Well, that is until we have children
that I can dress to match the upholstry."
Indeed, with the growing trend in women staying
single longer, and even turning to adoption
in lieu of the traditional family atmosphere,
it seems that many men are feeling like nothing
more than an optional part of the world.
"It is true. The radical feminist movement,
which I'm proud to say I have been a part of for
many years," says Dr. Francis "Frank"
Kaltenbox of the National Organization for
Women, "Has succeeded in turning men into
lifestyle accessories for womyn. Finally, we
have asserted our influence to the point where
we no longer need men."
But how will this affect future generations, who
may be increasingly growing up without father
figures in their lives?
"Children and men are nothing more than an
inconvenience," Dr. Kaltenbox continues, "Career,
success, and influence should be the goals of a radical
feminist womyn. If your child cannot somehow
fulfill you by being an accessory then you should
not adopt. Further, a womyn should only take on the
burden of a man if it somehow advances one of those
three goals. Father figures are an outdated and
neanderthalist concept. The last thing our
future generations need is to grow up influenced
by a potential rapist, which is what each 'father'
truly is."
But what does Thomas Morgan, 42, Julie's new husband
and fashion accessory think of the arrangement?
"Dude, I've got two BMWs, 3 mistresses, and an 8
figure income. So long as I can put it in her
butt a few times a month, and show her off to
business partners, I could give a shit what she
says."
Certainly with stories such as these, we can see
that American family values are in good hands.
For WNN this is Truly D. Pressed reporting.
Reserved. (Please don't let them take my balls
away)
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Last Updated: May 20, 2011 Copyright 2011 - Infinity, Waldo News Network. All Rights Reserved.
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