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US Treasury Bans Chinese Capital Imports

Dateline - Washington, DC September 17, 2008

There are no American tanks in Baghdad...I mean failing banks... In the wake of numerous safety scandals affecting imported Chinese goods, ranging from pet food to baby formula, the US Treasury today declared a mandatory boycott on imported Chinese capital. Treasury declined comment when asked if a recall of Yuan already in the country would also be made mandatory, but made clear that it is tainted Chinese capital, and not a fundamental flaw in the banking system, that is causing the current crisis in the lending and banking sectors.

"The American people can be very, very confident about their accounts in our banking system," said Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson today while announcing that Teasury would be opening its doors to fund loans for the financially-strapped FDIC. While not discussing the size of the loan, Paulson also contended that bank failures, such as the impending collapse of Washington Mutual, were directly caused by Chinese funds.

"After thoroughly testing much of the currency left from the IndyMac collapse," Paulson continued, "We have found that the funds in question, which came from Chinese creditors, were tainted with melamine. This substance has been known to cause massive organ failure in financial institutions."

Presidential Candidate John McCain echoed this sentiment at a campaign stop in Jacksonville, Florida.

"Our economy, I think, is still -- the fundamentals of our economy are strong, but these are very, very difficult times," said McCain, "When I was a POW in Vietnam for 5 years, my captors tried to poison me, and to starve me, and to try feeding me things that a human being shouldn't eat. Just like I got through that, I'm comfortable that our economy can get over this tainted Chinese currency."

McCain concluded his speech by question Sen. Obama's ability to provide solutions to the financial crisis.

"Who would you rather trust to clean this situation up, and unexperienced Senator from Illinois, or a man who was a member of the Keating Five, a man who caused this problem by supporting widespread financial deregulation in the 1990s, and a man who was a POW for five years in Vietnam and truly knows what it means to love his country? I am just the man to provide our country with clean, melamine-free currency."

For WNN, this is Blame China reporting.

Last Updated: February 12, 2012
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