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WNN Roundup: November 14, 2007
Tancredo Ups the Ante
Dateline - Boulder, CO
Republican Presidential candidate Tom Tancredo this week unleashed a furious and non-conventional attack against his fellow contenders with a controversial television ad depicting a potential terrorist attack on America. In the ad, Tancredo introduces himself and approves the message, saying that "someone needs to say it". The ad then cuts to a hooded figure planting a bomb in an American mall, and is interspersed with pictures of children playing and mangled, bloodied bodies. Tancredo hopes to underscore the threat of terrorists sneaking into the country through open borders, which he has made the primary pillar of campaign.
But Tancredo did not stop there.
Underscoring his "Tancredo...before its too late" message, Tancredo appeared himself Wednesday, draped in a black hood with an ominous black backpack outside a Boulder mall. He was not alone, in fact, but was flanked by two men he identified as Al Qaeda operatives.
"I have tried to warn you, the American public, about the imminent threat of terror in your neighborhoods," boomed Tancredo, "But you haven't yet listened. So now, today, I come to tell you that terror is in America. I have brought a network of operatives into America through our porous borders, and, should I be defeated in the Republican primaries, they will be unleashed on our neighborhoods. They will kill your children, they will rape your wives and daughters. Remember. Tancredo 2008, before its too late, God Bless America."
For WNN this is Votefear Oheight reporting.
Obama, Clinton Continue Fight for Iowa Voters
Dateline - Des Moines, IA
As the race heats up between the Democratic Presidential front-runners, reports and polls show a fight which is becoming ever-more complex. For Clinton, her early popularity has fallen recently among allegations that her staffers are planting questions during public appearances, allowing Clinton to avoid unexpected or surprising challenges from voters. In her own defense, Clinton addressed these allegations, asking reporters: "Does it really matter if the questions are planted by my staffers, or parroted verbatim by your viewers?"
For Barack Obama, news was far more positive early on in the week. His speech at the Iowa Jefferson Jackson event has pushed his poll numbers higher, distancing him from John Edwards in third place. However, despite his growing popularity among young voters, poll numbers released later in the week show that many older voters still do not feel as though they know much about the Obama campaign.
"I've been wary about voting for mystery candidates like this for some time," said George Washburn, a 76-year old retired machinist from Ankeny, IA, "Ever since Colin Powell broke my heart back in 2000. I just hope Obama doesn't end up being black too."
For WNN this is Holycrap Heisblack reporting.
Delta, United to Form Delited
Dateline - Chicago, IL
In a major development late today, the second and third largest American air carriers, Delta and United, are rumored to be seeking a merger deal. The move would be a hedge against the rising cost of fuel and maintenance, as well as an opportunity to consolidate feeder flights and fill major gaps in both companies' coverage maps. Delta is a major player in the Southeast United States, while United has strong routes in both the Southwest and far West.
"We view this as a major opportunity to both streamline our operations and strengthen our positions during a period of downward pressure on fares," said Richard Anderson, Delta's CEO, "In other words, this merger will give us the control we need to minimize our flight schedule, cut jobs, and increase prices due to scarcity. It really is a win for everyone involved. This has even fuelled the creation of our company's first slogan: 'We're Delited to take your money.'"
For WNN this is Fuck Flying reporting.
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Last Updated: August 5, 2010 Copyright 2010 - Infinity, Waldo News Network. All Rights Reserved.
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